8:00 PM, 26th July, 2002
Continuing the long and occasionally honourable tradition of high school comedies Not Another Teen Movie adds a little more gross-out and a lot of knowing references. You can file the plot under the usual 'ugly duckling transformed by the jock on a bet' category. It's just an excuse to hang together bits of American Pie, Bring It On, Cruel Intentions and plenty more, then skewer them appropriately. All the classic scenes are here: football game, pool party, locker room, and, very occasionally a classroom.
Along the way you meet the evil sister with an unusual fetish, the (naked) foreign exchange student, the token black guy and the footballer whose career is being counted down by the number of concussions he gets. Even though it focuses mostly on recent movies, Molly Ringwald, doyen of 80s teen movies, cameos as a flight attendant disenchanted with teen lurve. It's all very silly and a perfect post-exam film. If you haven't had an exam recently, pretend you've had lots of stress and need something light and fluffy to unwind.
10:00 PM, 26th July, 2002
In 2005, somewhere in Central Asia, some people in silly costumes and rollerblades are trying to get heavy metal balls into metal cups while being chased by motorbikes. This is Rollerball, the Sports Entertainment of the future. As the commentator says, "the rules are Russian and complicated."
If this is meant to be an excuse for the incomprehensible, disorganised slop that is Rollerball, I'm not falling for it. What the hell was John McTiernan thinking? Was he on drugs? Was he coming off drugs? Because this film is the most spectacular piece of fearlessly stupid drivel the Film Group is ever likely to show. Rollerball may have started with a plot, but it's clear that McTiernan lost it pretty early on. All that remains is noise, blood, some guy with a dodgy accent being evil, some chick with a dodgy accent being sexy, and that wet guy from American Pie... well, being wet. If you're a fan of WWF wrestling and the like, then, I guess, this probably is a must-see. Even if you're not, though, you should see Rollerball for the incomparable bliss you'll feel at the end, when the endorphins are still flowing, but the pain, finally, has stopped.